


He's not gone

by KweenKevin



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Ghosts, M/M, Pain, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2020-07-12 19:20:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19951501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KweenKevin/pseuds/KweenKevin
Summary: Jeremy looked at the grave again. He sighed and broke down. He was really gone.





	1. He's not gone

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at one AM, crying in bed, so take it.

He-he couldn’t believe it. Jean was actually gone. Jean had left. Jean had stopped. Jean was gone. 

It used to be their joke, Jean telling Jeremy that he would die first. Jean always told him how he didn’t want to live in a world without Jeremy and he’ll be damned if he let Jeremy die first.

But now, standing in front of the new grave, rain pouring down his face, it didn’t seem that funny anymore. He knelt.

“Jean… the joke is over, mi amor. You can come back now, It’s okay, I won’t be mad. I’ll be waiting here for you, mi sol. Just-” his voice broke and tears welled up in his eyes, “Just come back, okay? That’s all I’m asking of you…”

He sat down under the tree and took the letter from his pocket, the letter he had read a thousand times, over and over, trying to make sense of what had happened, trying to find a way to reverse it all, but he couldn’t.

“Jeremy,

You are and always will be the light of my life. I love you. This world… was not made for people like me. It wasn’t made for the broken scraps of this world, who can’t be fixed, who can’t be healed, who can only disappear and try not to cause too much damage in the end. Do not mourn me, Jeremy. Do not sit sadly at home, wearing my shirt, looking around the room, feeling alone. Go out in the world again. Surround yourself with friends and family, and try to forget me. I could never have stayed in this world and now my time has come to leave. Take my shirts and my belongings and put them in a box. Shove the box deep under your bed, and never open it again. Forget it is there. Maybe one day you’ll find it again and I’ll be revived, shortly, and then you’ll forget me again, like you should. One day, You’ll get married, and you and your partner will have decided that you can finally stop finding that box again, stop reviving me, and finally, throw me out. 

I know that what I am asking of you isn’t easy, Mon Soleil, but I don’t want you to linger over a broken soul like me, who was destined to go out one day. I want you to be happy and find happiness like you never could’ve with me. I want you to understand that I was a lost cause either way, and that I would never have survived here.

This is the last goodbye I’ll ever tell you, Jeremy Knox. You are the most wonderful human being on this entire planet.

Je T’aime, et Au Revoir,

Jean Moreau, yours ‘till the very last second.”

He read it and read it again, until he couldn’t read the letters anymore because of the tears in his eyes. This had to be some kind of joke. He wasn’t really gone. He wasn’t really gone. He wasn’t really gone. Jeremy looked at the grave again. He sighed and broke down. He was really gone.


	2. He's not gone...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> f i n a l l y back with some work phew! I wrote this continuation a loooong while ago and recently found it and I thought why not? so I reread it (and definitely cried a bit) (a lot), but here she is! the final chapter of He's not gone!

Jeremy was sitting on his bed, looking down at his phone, scrolling through his and Jean’s old messages. He had stopped actually reading them when his vision became too blurred by tears to focus on the words. 

The last few months had been the hardest. Classes had started again, and Jeremy had been trying to stay strong for the team, but he didn’t know how much longer he could keep up the fake smiles and the positive pep-talks. Some days it felt like the world was too much, and all he wanted to do was disappear in his bed. He, luckily, had Sara and Laila, and the team, and his family, and the Foxes, to fall back on, but he couldn’t help but think about how Jean did not have all of that. 

And it did not help. It made things worse, made him a confused mix of anger and sadness, at this world that did not allow people like Jean to survive, at Riko, for ruining Jean, at Jean’s parents, for not caring a little tiny bit, at whoever was supposed to be Jean’s angel, for not saving him, at life, for being cruel. 

It was rough. He cried. He yelled. He broke down. He survived. 

It felt as if Jean was still here, sitting next to him, and he could actually feel his arm around his shoulder, his voice whispering little nothings in his hair, and he turned his head, and he could… see him? 

It had to be his mind going crazy, finally, but for a second he savored the moment. Jean, sitting next to him, that little mole in the form of a heart just above his tattoo, the smell of old books and rain and baked goods filling the room, and most importantly, he looked happy. Different. As if a weight was lifted from his shoulders. 

“Jeremy”, a soft voice said, and that’s when Jeremy decided he was going crazy, and when he decided he couldn’t care less. 

A hand tangled in his hair, softly playing with the curls, and Jeremy’s mind was storming with thoughts like  _ why  _ and  _ how  _ but mostly  _ Jean _ . 

“Jean?”, he asked, hoping for an answer that shouldn’t be possible. 

“Oui, Mon Amour”. 

And he fell forward. The tears he had been holding back threatened to escape again. A soft hand caught him and hugged him tightly while Jeremy cried endlessly. All he could do was keep on repeating “Jean” because  _ Jean.  _

Hours later, or maybe days, or maybe seconds, Jeremy finally got something else past his throat. “How”, he asked, voice hollow and ruined. 

“I don’t know”, came the quiet reply from the boy. 

“It doesn’t matter”, both boys whispered. Jeremy smiled. 

For the first time.

In months.

Because of that fucking stupid joke of theirs. 

Jean smiled back at him and Jeremy was about to think that the past few months had been just a bad dream, but then he saw the cuts across Jean’s wrist from where his sleeves didn’t cover them, and all of sudden he fell forward on his bed, the space where Jean had been only a second ago, empty. 

“Jean?”, he called back, voice filling with panic. 

“I’m still here”, a voice told him, but the voice belonged to no one. “I can’t think about how it happened, or else I won’t have the energy to make you see me.”

His head. The voice came from inside his head. This was the end. He was gonna be locked up into an Elysium. 

Then the voice spoke up again.

“I’m a ghost. I am not gone”.


End file.
